We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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