My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
