WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
