there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
