We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
