I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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