quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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