when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
