I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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