he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
