She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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