dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
