i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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