He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
