I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
