well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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