I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
