battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I have already put on my inside pants.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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