just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
