the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
