Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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