I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He felt like a one man threesome
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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