A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
