Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
