so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
