I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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