does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
People in love make me want to vomit
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
