I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
