Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
God, I missed his penis.
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