I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
