Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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