Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
