If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
