none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I CAN MOONWALK!
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
