It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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