I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
