you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
