I wanna bring you to show and tell
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
