i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
