I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
