whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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