Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
