I must be too annoying 4 u.
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
