you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My vagina just recognized that song.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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