I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
