I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
