big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
