Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
