This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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