RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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